Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.

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This morning I read a great/amazing/inspirational post by Ez over at Creature Comforts. She started an online conversation about the “vast cavern between true reality and the presentation of “reality” on blogs.”

I read over 70 design blogs everyday, follow too-many-to-count boards on Pinterest, check my Instagram feed several times a day and do my own pinning/posting/photographing to boot. People, it’s overwhelming. The amount of beauty out there is amazing – the homes I see, the fashion I love, the design I covet – it’s all amazing. And honestly it makes me feel less than worthy to be blogging about it. My home does not look like this. My child does not look like this. My craft area DOES NOT even vaguely resemble this. We are normal. Mostly. But I feel like a hypocrite. A lot. So to pull back the curtain on my life, here are some things I am afraid to tell you:

  1. I am lazy. It may not seem like it, but I am. Some days it’s enough for me to work full time, come home and cook a meal for my 14 month old, and then cook another meal for me and my husband after the baby goes to bed. My once meticulously kept house has lost it’s luster amid strewn toys, a dirty high chair, piles of cloth diapers to be washed, animals to take care of and, oh, myself to wash and feed. I post about tons of amazing craft projects to be done, and never do them. I’ve had a company idea brewing for a few months now, and can’t seem to work on it. Ever.
  2. I may have postpartum anxiety issues. I have come to terms with the fact that I may need to talk to someone. Every time my husband and son walk out the door I think it may be the last time I ever see them. I love them so much, and I think of them as my whole world. I can’t imagine life without either one of them, so naturally my anxious mind goes to the worst of places when I see them off in the morning.
  3. I am a hot and cold blogger. Sometime I have amazing ideas for posts and never get around to posting about it. Then I will do 3 days straight of posts. Then nothing. Repeat.
  4. My husband and I had a chance to move to Barcelona a few years back and it fell through. The disappointment was one of the hardest things I have ever had to process and deal with.
  5. You know the term, “Jack of all trades; master of none”? That’s me. I can do everything enough to get by.
  6. I’m a hard person to like. I had a rough childhood, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may not be the easiest person to get along with. I have changed, slowly, but I recognize it might not be enough for some people. I am working on getting over that and moving on. Slowly, but surely.

So what are you afraid to tell everyone? Or even just tell yourself?

Me Month

I’ve decided April is going to be all about me. ME ME ME!!! I’ve spent a (wonderful) year learning how to be a mom and trying to figure out how to balance working full time and being there for my family. Since baby H is 1 now it’s getting easier and less labor intensive to take care of him on a day to day basis, I figured I could focus on myself a little this month.

Now before you get all ballistic on me, no, I am not taking a week off to spend at a spa, and no, I’m not letting my kid stick forks into wall outlets while I read People magazine and sip a latte. I am fitting in small, easy to do action items into my everyday routine. Here they are:

Lips!

Yes ladies, lip color! I am, admittedly, terrible at make-up application. But lips are super easy! I prefer a nice stain, something I don’t have to worry about accidentally wiping off every 5 minutes on paper towels or cups. I started using “Just Bitten” by Revlon and I love it. My goal is to wear some kind of lipstick – or lipstain – every day this month.

Hair!

I have regrettable hair. It’s baby fine and a terrible boring shade of mousey brown. Before I was pregnant I had tried every shade out there – platinum blonde in the summer was my favorite – and when I got pregnant I had to stop the coloring. The best part about being pregnant was how full and lush it was – I felt like I could run my hands through it without out giant handfuls of hair coming out – but alas, no more. So this month I am trying out different styles and products to try to break out of my boring pixie cut.

Teeth!

Yes, I am using a teeth whitening system. Nothing fancy, just a CVS purchased product, but so far it’s working great! My teeth aren’t very stained, they just have 32 years of wear and tear and could use a little extra love!

Vitamins!

We see a naturopath and love it. She helps us get rebalanced when we are feeling sluggish and helps with mending soar muscles and minds. My husband and I are both on vitamin regimens but I tend to get lazy and forget to take mine. So this month is all about getting back on them regularly (I take over 15 a day). I know I’ll feel better – I just need to commit!

On the Other Side…

Hayden SmilingWell here we are – my little man is nearly 12 days old! And, as cliched as it all sounds, I can not believe how fundamentally my life has changed. Everything around me looks different. My home feels different. My body feels different. Even my pets feel different to me. Time seems to stand still, yet everyday and every moment he is growing – getting bigger, making new faces, learning new tricks. I never thought I could just sit and stare at someone forever and love him as much as I do. He is already the light of my life and I have only known him less than 2 weeks!

I’ll be keeping up with the blog as much as possible in the next few months. Hopefully once we start to get a routine going I’ll be able to plan my day better. But for now we are settling into our new lives and learning how to be a family!

 

And Baby… *OFFICIALLY* Makes Three!

I’ve been a bit absent lately because our little man made his grand entrance exactly 2 weeks early! On April 7th at 8:45 pm, Hayden Xavier was born here in Chicago. He weighed in at 7.13 lbs and was 19.5″ long. The labor and birth went really fast – my water broke at 8am, contractions started at 2pm and along he came by 8:45.

We are already in love…

Hayden Xavier

Some MAJOR Nesting is Going On…

Somebody let me loose in our local Target this past weekend and some major nesting instincts kicked in. We haven’t made the official purchase of the cloth diapering system we are going to use (Rumparooz – more on that later) and I started to get nervous that Baby V. might come earlier than expected. My official due date is April 21st, but I would place bets on 2 weeks before that. So I picked up a pack of newborn diapers (7th Generation) to have on hand just in case. I also got some newborn onesies (we actually didn’t get a lot of newborn clothes for our shower – mostly 3 month and up) and some small sized “sheet savers”. I received a good hint this weekend from a friend and new mother that these were one of the best things to have on hand to throw on the changing pad in case of accidents. They act like an extra waterproof barrier between the pad and the baby.

I then went home and proceeded to unwrap and put away all the gifts we received or have purchased in the past 2 months. “EVERYTHING must go in it’s place” – says my crazy sleep-deprived brain. Stroller and car seat instructions were read (and barely understood), the Fisher-Price newborn rock and play sleeper (this came highly recommended) was set up, clothes and sheets were washed and folded, shelves were arranged and then rearranged. All in all it felt mostly productive. I think a bit of it was some nervous energy about the baby coming, life changing, ect. ect. But I feel good knowing that I have control over at least one part of the process!

1st Post!

Welcome to our blog! This is my attempt to keep track of, and share with the world, this little experiment called “expanding the family” me and my husband are trying out. Right now it’s just the 2 of us and our little cats, Ozzy & Tuba. In 3 short months though… watch out! Baby makes 3 – or 5 depending on how you look at it.

First off I should say I am a very cynical person. Motherhood, I thought. Whoop-dee-doo. Women have been doing it for thousands of years – what could be so special about it?? Well, so far, nothing. I feel like crap all the time, my feet are the size of U-505 submarines, I pee 25 times a day, can’t sleep right, ect. ect. ect. I am sure I will change my tune when little baby Hayden (name still under consideration – that is a whole other post in and of itself) arrives in a few short months. “He’ll change your life!!” everyone keeps exclaiming at me!!! Feel free to insert more exclamation points if you are in this camp of thought.

Well, we will see. I am sure I will love it, be in awe of him, and on and on and on. For now though, I just want to sleep more than 2 hours at a time without getting up to pee a measly teaspoon and then spend a 1/2 hour trying to get back to sleep.

So, to quote Holly Hunter from one of my favorite all time movies – Raising Arizona, “Things have channnnnged!!!”.

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